So you and your friends have outgrown Pokémon — but you don’t want to lose the competitive fervor that came with “catching ‘em all?” Sounds like it’s time to take on the next logical step in the hobby ladder: Chickspotting.
We know what you’re thinking; “What in the blue Hell are you babbling about?” “You stay away from me or I’m calling the cops,” and “What, if anything, does this have to do with a wonderful children’s game of dueling critters?” Fair enough. But you’re also thinking, “What is Chickspotting?”
Well, what if you had a field guide to women in the United States and by the turn of a page, you could discover how to identify them, what they were attracted to, and how many dates it takes to close the deal? It’s burning questions like this which Field Guide to Chicks of the United States seeks to answer.
… Alright, so this book isn’t going to win any Pulitzers. Fine. And although the press release states: “Bachelors love it, but it’s not just for them. Women can use the book to keep an eye on the competition or acquire valuable inside information,” something tells me that not many females besides the author Joe Bovino’s immediate family, and those active in the stand up comedy circuit are going to derive even one moment of pleasure from reading its pages. Just look at this review to get an idea of the backlash that’s to come. But therein lies the beauty: this book is not meant to be taken seriously. In an age of extreme politically correctness and thin skinned individuals, here’s a book that is designed to make you laugh; a book that’ll bring you back to a time when dating and interacting with women was — get this — fun. Tongue-in-cheek. Enjoyable. And that’s what life should be all about, shouldn’t it?
From the press release:
Author Joe Bovino takes us on a trip across the country through this outlandishly hilarious, spot-on accurate, and provocatively illustrated Field Guide to Chicks of the United States. Organized like a field guide to birds, with a series of short chick “species” (subculture) profiles instead of chapters, the book offers amusing insights into the most distinctive physical characteristics, vocalizations, behavioral tendencies, and mating habits of American Chicks from regional and ethnic subcultures (or species) across all 50 states.
Discover each chick’s field marks, songs, behaviors, natural habitat, and migratory tendencies with easy to read charts that break down levels of friendliness, neuroticism, nesting, maintenance, and superficiality. This book doesn’t just examine what chicks do and how to spot them when they do it, it’s a visual guide of American women that cuts to the chase without regard for political correctness. You won’t be able to put it down…or keep your friends from stealing it if you do.
Inside you will find vivid illustrations of each Chick, color-coded range maps, and even Chick “magnet” guidance to help get you more intimately involved with women from over 90 regional, ethnic, and other American subcultures, such as the:
“Hole in One” from Las Vegas:
College Party Chick “Freshman 10”:
Korean American “Seoulmate”:
Model/Actress “Mattress” from Los Angeles
Armenian American “Armolicious”
Mexican American “Taco Belle”
Born Again Christian “Holy Heisman”
“One Size Fits All” from the Great Lakes States… and more.
And be sure to keep a leering eye out for the Chickspotting smartphone app so you can always have the guide handy when you’re out and about in the field! You can sign up for app updates and more at fieldguidetochicks.com.
Field Guide to Chicks of the United States is a must-read for the active and armchair chickspotter in all of us. No matter who you are, you can count on the book to make you laugh, break the ice, spark lively debate, and get the party started!