Sure, Kate Upton is a name that even my Uncle Darell, a man who lives in a self-constructed log cabin fourteen miles in the wilderness has heard by now.
Sure, the egregiously tiny pieces of triangle fabric that Sports Illustrated considers a bikini top do a piss poor job of supporting Kate’s supple, monumental breasts. Sure, she’s only 20 years old and will probably have the spinal column of a scoliosis-suffering mason by age 25; but dammit, she almost died braving the freezing cold to give us this Antarctic photoshoot, she looks like she eats more than a frond of lettuce a day, and she’s downright beautiful. So thank you Kate Upton for both your bravery and bringing such immense happiness (and cleavage) into our lives.
As for the body paint photos that are too risque to show you here… well, just tell everyone a little birdy told you about them. Or a a little pervert named Frank. (Warning: NSFW)